It's Cancer Limerick Sunday!
The cancer I've come to resent
My new "foobie" scar has a dent
They look and feel funny,
Thrill not, me or honey,
And now I'm emotionally spent
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A quick note on where I am. I've hit a wall emotionally with my cancer. Having finished my reconstruction, and now in the home stretch of my physical healing process, the emotional reality of my situation is flooding in.
I knew I was not fully dealing with the emotional side during treatment. I simply didn’t have the wherewithal to do that and physically heal at the same time. I was focused on "everything's going to be ok," so there was no room for "what does this mean for me in the future?" What will my life/body/outlook be when I'm done? Will I ever be done? Can I live with my decisions? I did try to nurture a no-fault philosophy, which I am thankful for now. I'm still not wondering "why me?". It serves no purpose. But I am grieving and there are moments of anger and long hours of sorrow.
I do not have a lot of emotional energy right now. I am limiting my activities/contacts/communication because of it. I don't know how long I'm going to be overwhelmed - a week? month? year?? I'm hoping by the time the summer rolls around I'll have it sorted out, because this week was spring break and it sucked to feel like this and have the kids around all day. No good for me and especially no good for them.
Just as I came to understand the physical effects of chemo were much longer lasting than I had anticipated, the emotional scars are far deeper and uglier than I'd imagined.
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