28 October 2011

Second Guessing Third


So the third thing I started second guessing myself  about was the time frame it took me to finally bring up my breast changes to my doctor.  I already had two, 2cm tumors by the time I talked to my regular doctor.  I had seen a breast change over a year earlier, but because I had had a clean mammogram I thought it was ok.

Likewise, I bought into the myth that if it hurts, it can't be cancer because cancer doesn't hurt.  That's malarky.  My nipple had been sore and sensitive for some time.  Instead of it raising a red flag for me, it comforted me because I assumed it was ok because I had ALWAYS heard that cancer doesn't hurt.

That new PSA by Rethink Breast Cancer really hit home for me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsyE2rCW71o

Watch it, learn from it.  The L and C part of TLC is what saved my life.  I didn't feel a lump, I had regular mammograms and I still ended up with Stage 2 breast cancer.  No one knows your boobs like you.  If you see ANYTHING different, ask your doctor for diagnostic testing.  Even if your mammogram comes back clean.  ESPECIALLY if your mamo comes back clean!

I wonder if I had mentioned this to my doctor when I first noticed something different if I could have avoided chemo and unquestionably, the answer is yes.  I would have caught this a year ago.  My tumors would have been small enough that the oncologist would not have recommended chemo.  I would have been Stage 1, and possibly even in situ, instead of invasive.  Dan also beats himself up about not pushing me to get it checked.  He even noticed a difference, but I told him my mamo was clean and so we just never discussed it again.

Even with my family history and my awareness of the disease I made a stupidly uninformed decision.  We are told that mammograms are the be all and end all but frankly they aren't and while they are a good screening tool for some women they are virtually useless for women with dense breast tissue.  I don't even know if a radiologist ever mentioned that my breast tissue was dense or not.  Ask the quesion - Is my breast tissue dense?  Is this an effective screening tool for me?  Is there a better method for me to be screened? But most of all, be vigilant and an advocate for your health.  You know how you are supposed to look and feel.  If you notice a change, ask your doctor.

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Miscellany


A couple of things:  First, several of you told me to expect my symptoms to get worse with the next round of chemo, as the effects are cumulative.  I know this.  But for me the worst part of anything is not knowing.  I know they type of yuck I will feel and can mentally and otherwise prepare for it.  I know the approximate duration so I can pace myself and anticipate when it will end.  The yuck may be worse, but I am better off having already done it once.

Secondly, several of you have asked if I'm still accepting hats.  Hell, yes!  I'm still waiting for the perfect one.  Last night Dan and I went out and I wore a hat my sister Michelle and nephew Jason picked up for me in Disneyland.  It's kind of a loose cap, black with sparkly stuff under a crochet-type top.  It is actually pretty cool but I was mortified to see that it looked rather unfortunately like a beret, (a la Monica.)  And that just won't do.