17 October 2011

Technology is Working Against Me

Screw you, Blogger Ipad and Iphone app!  You suck! One of the reasons I did not get very many posts out last week is that I was using my mobile devices to post and the damn apps lost four separate posts I had written, including one I wrote last night and 'saved'.  Back to square one, in this case, the desk top.

Here's where I'm at today.  I started driving yesterday.  Shoulder checking is still a little dicey, and right turns, (where I have to crank my left arm around,) are a little uncomfortable, and I'm sure I won't be doing any long trips in the the next month because I get tired holding my arms up, but for booting around town I think I'm good to go.  My right arm is almost back to normal.  Good mobility, a little nerve discomfort and some weakness from doing nothing for a month.  Left arm has much more limited mobility, much more nerve discomfort and already started out weaker than my right so now it sucks completely.

I'm REALLY tired.  I'm not sure if it's because my body is still healing from surgery, if I have some depression starting, (I don't really like having to get out of bed,) or if I'm just turning into a lazy slug from the past month.  It's been wonderful laying in bed in the morning while Matt has been getting the kids off to school.  I'm really gonna miss that!!!

My chest is starting to loosen up a bit.  It still feels weird, and I sense that it will never feel right again, but like any major life change, normal never returns, one just gets used to the 'new' normal.  I'll be doing some stretching exercises this week as I can, in preparation of my next expansion in another week.

I was able to enjoy a night out on Saturday and attended the Harman Elementary PTO Fundraiser.  It was Trivia night and OUR TEAM WON!  I was even able to answer a question that no one else on the team knew.     We all had a really great time, the PTO raised a good pile of cash and I was able to say hi and thanks to a number of folks who have been helping and sending good wishes my way.  I was actually feeling well enough to drink a little and Dan was worried that I looked and felt too good, and people who had been providing meals would be all pissed off that I was 'better.'  "Act more frail!" he advised.  Not gonna - I start chemo tomorrow and expect to crash and burn by the end of the week.

Matt will come with me to my chemo - they've got wifi and we downloaded the Hangover and a chick-flick for me.  I'm planning on popping a Klonopin tonight to calm me down, as I am already a little anxious about it.  I'll get steroids, anti-nausea and Benadryl before the cancer drugs.  Benadryl wires me instead of knocking me out.  If all goes well, and I can tolerate the chemo well, we'll be out of there in 3 - 4 hours.  If not, it could take 5 - 7.  We'll take some healthy snacks, (cut up apples,) and I'm planning on downing a smoothie in the morning.  (I don't want anything that's going to be gross in the event it makes a return appearance.)  It should be smooth sailing tomorrow - side affects and bad stuff tends to accumulate with the treatment so since tomorrow is Number 1, all should be fine - white blood cell count, etc.

One thing I have noticed - evidently I've started anticipating 'chemo brain'.  I have, of late, been struggling for words, forgetting ideas before I have a chance to articulate them, misplacing items and generally been out of it.  I'm working really hard to let go of the frustration that comes along with that.

I'd write a post while I'm getting chemo, but the app SUCKS and I don't want to lose it.  If I feel up to it, I'll email myself one so I can post from the desk-top when I get home.