16 October 2011 - Part Deux

Growing a Pair

At last Thursday's Two-Drain follow-up, we jumped to another milestone.  I had been getting really progressively better for 3 or 4 days.  My pain had diminished so that I was not even taking ibuprofen, my nerves had calmed to the point where it felt sensitive, but not burning, and I was feeling well enough to walk.  I still had some tightness across my chest and under my arms, but that was merely uncomfortable, not painful. And he cleared me to ditch the ace bandages.

So I haven't been posting because I've been busy doing other stuff that needed to be done.  And then resting because doing what needs to be done really wipes me out.   

I had wanted to hold off expanding* (*see note) so I could chill before I start chemo on Tuesday.  A whole pain-free week to exercise, rest, sleep etc.  Two-Drain shut that down pretty quick with the following explanation.  The 'pocket' where my expanders sit is an artificial one made by separating my pec major from my pec minor.  My body wants to cordon off the area with tissue.  The longer we wait to expand it, the tougher that material will be.  The tougher the material, the more it will hurt.  

* Note:

When I had my mastectomy, the breast surgeon removed all the breast tissue and then handed off to the plastic surgeon.  The plastic surgeon made the 'pocket' and inserted expanders.  Expanders are silicone bags with a valve or port.  They are filled with saline.  When they are first put in, a small amount of saline is added, about 70 - 170 cc of fluid.  After the incisions heal and skin adheres to the muscle, more saline is added at intervals to expand the pocket and overlying muscle and skin, until the desired size is achieved.  The same method is used to stretch skin for burn, birth defect or accident victims where a skin transplant is not used.  

The port has a metal disc in it that serves a couple of purposes.  First, it stops the syringe from poking a hole in the bag, and secondly it is a marker for the doc to find it under the skin.  If you've ever used a stud-finder on drywall, it's essentially the same thing.  The doc moved the device over my foob until the marker registered and then took a sharpie and marked the spot.  (Sort of like John Travolta in Pulp Fiction before he sticks the massive adrenalin needle in Uma Thurman's heart.)  Then the nurse swabbed me with iodine and Two-Drain poked a gigantic syringe full of saline through my pec into the port and added 60 cc's to each side.  How did I  know it was gigantic?  Did I watch?  Hell to the NO!  I shut my eyes as soon as I saw him starting to fill it.  But Dan said, "Wow!  That needle's even bigger than the one they shoved in my knee!"   The nurse pretty well told him SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!

I have no feeling in the skin where my boobs used to be.  All of those nerves travel up through the breast tissue and are fed by it.  When they removed the tissue, the connection was broken to there is a huge swath of nothing in my front.  But I can feel pressure.  And evidently, the muscle underneath has some form of rudimentary communication going on because when that needle jammed through it, right pec seized into a knot.  The nurse told me to relax because it wouldn't hurt as much and I'll be damned if I didn't try but pec 1 had a mind of it's own and would not let go.  It's been spasming ever since.  I was somewhat more prepared for the left side and that one went a little easier.

So now my chest just feels weird.  I have tightness under my arms again, (like I'm wearing a suit jacket that is too small,) and I feel like I can't take a whole breath, and I'm having muscle spasms in funky places - like in my back.  It's all connected, so why not? Another weird place it is hurting is on my sides over my ribcage.   Also, the place where my cleavage will be feels gross.  Like the skin is tearing away from the breast-bone.  Am I heading down the road to a uni-boob?  Not sure.  Although I do have confidence in Two-Drain.  

After the initial swelling went down after surgery, my chest kind of looked like Ken's - flat, square, blank pecs.  They are now kind of round-ish.  I still have lots of surgical tape over my insicions, but the scabs are almost gone.  In another week or two the tape should wear off and I'll just have a red line across the middle of each lump.  Two-Drain wants to expand weekly but I was able to push him off a week because of my chemo appointment on next Tuesday.  I don't think I'll need more than two or three more appointments to get to my new size, which will be smaller than my old size.  In the meantime, I'm back on ibuprofen and I'm resting today.   And I now can say I'm officially growing a pair.