30 August 2011

The Cancer Card

Life deals out a hand and one has to play with the cards one is given. I used to play no matter what I was dealt. As I matured, I was better able to discern when it was wise to play and when it made sense not to. As the man says, "You've got to know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em." And as with most card games, it is a combination of luck and skill that determines if one is a winner or a loser.

No one expects to get cancer, no one asks for it. Some people rail against it, "Why me?" Some folks blame God, or their parents (who smoked,) or a corporation for carcinogens in our environment. But the truth is, it is like lightening - it strikes where it strikes according to chance circumstances governed by laws of nature. Billions of cells divide billions of times, nothing is perfect and sometimes they go haywire. <--- not meant as medical advice. :-)


Very few things in our culture trump cancer. It is a 'get out of jail free' card, (sometimes literally.) It is an excuse to hang one's hat on for rudeness or lethargy or anger or self-absorption. It can put you at the front of the line for boarding planes, picking parent teacher conference times, or seeing a busy plastic surgeon. And it can be a very bad thing. Or it can be a very good thing. I was neither expecting nor wanting this card, but I'll be damned if I ain't going to use it.

So I have - to get my contractor to call me back to wrap up projects, to not have to be homeroom mom, to get my windows bumped up on the manufacturer's job list, to garner empathy for my kids from teachers at school while we are going through the stress at home, and to rally a support system. All of those external things are direct manifestations of the circumstance. I need to get the contractors out of the house so I can rest after surgery, the kids need slack because of the stress, and bring on the meal train 'cuz mama ain't cookin'.

So I'm going to play this hand and this card for all that it's worth. It's a shitty hand, but I know I have the skill to make me a winner. The cancer card has allowed me to shrug off the mantle of trivial responsibility I've had as a stay at home mom and to concentrate on something I've ignored for years.... me. I am very self-absorbed right now. I spend my days on fitness, organization, writing, healthcare and naps. I'm still doing laundry and planning/cooking meals, making lunches and getting the kids off to and home from school, but with much less stress than I've experienced in the past. I now see it in its proper role - trivial. More important is spending time with the kids and Dan and taking care of myself.