Brain Cells
I started taking some prerequisites at a community college about 5 weeks ago. I have several observations to report.
Firstly, either standards have gone down or I've gotten much smarter in the past thirty years, because I'm finding I'm getting better marks now than I did the first time around. Which is counter-intuitive, especially with the lack of memory I've been experiencing since Chemotherapy.
Second, the type of people who go to school at a community college are not the same type of people who go to a major university. I chose my school because it had a certificate program in the discipline I wanted. But another school, a local four year university, had a similar program available as well. My community college was less than half the price of the university. This economic factor makes for a crowd of students looking to improve their lot in life through education, but with very limited resources. In the one class I have on campus, with actual other student that I see, (as opposed to my two online classes,) there are a handful of older students, (30's and 40's, like myself,) but the majority of the class are people in their 20's. None of the students strike me as traditional - just graduated from high school. Many of them come to class in their work uniforms, (fast food, nurses aids, grocery or retail,) and they juggle kids, jobs and other responsibilities. Many of them are overweight, which I interpret as a sign of lower economic status - only in America are the poor obese. (Although that is changing as we export our nutrition standards to the world... I'm looking at you, McDonald's and Coke.)
I'm not sure if it's my generation or my social class or just they way I was raised, but I come to class prepared. I have my book, something to write on, something to write with, etc. The class starts at 9 and goes until 10:50. I arrive at 8:40 or so and leave after the instructor has finished the class. Out of about 36 people in the class, twenty wander in and out, arriving anywhere from 9 to 9:45 and leaving anywhere from 10 to 10:50. Several people have left during class to answer their phones. The instructor has given us a syllabus with clear deadlines for when homework and make-up tests are due, which most of these people take as suggestions. Often he will be there when I arrive, early, waiting for a student to come in to take a make-up test and they won't show up. I don't get it.
Another observation. My guilty pleasure these days is listening to the pop radio station. It's called 99.9 and is part of the I (Heart) Radio network. This is the type of station that has a syndicated morning program that comes out of New York and consists of a bunch of loud, obnoxious DJ's who make fun of everything. I like the music, but the DJ banter makes my skin crawl. I was listening for about 30 seconds when I hopped in the car the first week I started school and I believe I actually got stupider from that limited morning exposure. So when I drive to school, I switch to NPR, which everyone knows makes you smarter. Then when I come home I punch it back to 99.9 for my daily dose of Pink.
Dan says he thinks I'm doing great adjusting to my new schedule, but I feel I'm having some difficulty making everything work these days. My mood is more even but I haven't been able to get any regular exercise. I'm still getting used to my head med, and it disrupts my sleep so I'm tired most days. I don't have very much wherewithal and most of it is being spent on the 20 - 30 hours per week I'm doing classes and schoolwork. I'm still cooking a lot but the house is a mess. The other day I had to ride the vacuum around to corral the dust buffaloes.
The biggest change has got to be the Effexor I'm on. I rarely blow up, I don't feel the anxiety and frustration I had a month ago, and I don't scream at the kids anymore. That's good for everyone. But I wish I could sleep like a normal person.
7 February 2013
An Anniversary, of Sorts.
Today is the anniversary of my divorce. I often think of this as an important turning point in my adult life. It was the last break with my youth, as I met my first husband while still in my teens and stuck with him until my thirties.
When I finally broke free of the influence of my youth, I started to finish the work of becoming me. I had been bound by certain conventions through my twenties, which I upended once I hit my thirties. I became more independent, more interested in the world around me and more socially and politically conscious. My values shifted from immature things to more serious concerns. My goals changed as the focus stretched from short to long term. And I stopped being so hard and developed some softness.
I have been spending a little time lately looking for lost classmates. It is my 30th high school reunion this coming summer, and a few brave souls (not me!) have taken on the task of putting something together. When I started this endeavor I couldn't name more than a dozen people with whom I graduated. Now that I have dug out some yearbooks and photo albums, a few more are crystallizing. It's interesting for me to look back on some of my artifacts from that era and see how different I was.
This indulgence in nostalgia and narcissism is well timed for me. I am currently in the throes of re-making myself again. My foray back to school, my thinking ahead to re-entering the workforce, my recent trip to crazytown and subsequent choice to medicate are all combining to produce a different emotional state than I've been living in for the past several years. I had been treading water, (just keep swimming....) but now I feel as though I am finally growing again.
Today is the anniversary of my divorce. I often think of this as an important turning point in my adult life. It was the last break with my youth, as I met my first husband while still in my teens and stuck with him until my thirties.
When I finally broke free of the influence of my youth, I started to finish the work of becoming me. I had been bound by certain conventions through my twenties, which I upended once I hit my thirties. I became more independent, more interested in the world around me and more socially and politically conscious. My values shifted from immature things to more serious concerns. My goals changed as the focus stretched from short to long term. And I stopped being so hard and developed some softness.
I have been spending a little time lately looking for lost classmates. It is my 30th high school reunion this coming summer, and a few brave souls (not me!) have taken on the task of putting something together. When I started this endeavor I couldn't name more than a dozen people with whom I graduated. Now that I have dug out some yearbooks and photo albums, a few more are crystallizing. It's interesting for me to look back on some of my artifacts from that era and see how different I was.
This indulgence in nostalgia and narcissism is well timed for me. I am currently in the throes of re-making myself again. My foray back to school, my thinking ahead to re-entering the workforce, my recent trip to crazytown and subsequent choice to medicate are all combining to produce a different emotional state than I've been living in for the past several years. I had been treading water, (just keep swimming....) but now I feel as though I am finally growing again.
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