18 June 2013

Sex with your Pants On

In one of the paleo books I've read, 'sex with your pants on' is the term that describes eating to the letter of the law but not the spirit.  Since one of the missions of the book is to break me of my bad psychological relationship with food, the idea that making a 'paleo pizza' or 'paleo chocolate cake' is contraindicated.  If you can't live without it, you MUST live without it.

I fell off the paleo wagon and have been eating sugar, (always) grains, (recently) and even some (gasp!) cheese/dairy.  I must say that I had a rather indulgent sandwich at First Watch over the weekend.  The special was artichoke tapenade with turkey and cream cheese.  It was really over the top, but I kept eating it.  Within two hours I was lightheaded, followed by headachy, nauseas, and generally flu-ish.  I felt pretty bad all day but the kicker was that by the time evening rolled around, my lymphedema was apparent.  Just in my left hand, where I had it before I started this whole anti-inflammation dietary adventure.  It was somewhat of a wake-up call.

But my foray into sandwich-land has left me feeling that I'm missing out.  For a long time, I did not miss grains, bread, cheese etc.  And while I really do like beans, I can live without them and all other legumes.  But now I want to eat sandwiches so I'm thinking about sex with my pants on.

Last Thanksgiving I did quite a few paleo friendly options, including a paleo dressing made with an almond flour bread I'd baked the day before.  The paleo bread tends to be a little flat and dry, but it's kind of ciabatta shaped which would work in both texture and shape for some pretty awesome paninis (sans cheese.)  I think I'd enjoy that, and at this point I don't have the emotional energy to worry about whether I'd enjoy it too much.

For me, crossfit and eating paleo is less about the cult and more about what works for me.  I've seen significant effects from cutting out certain compounds in my diet.  I'd like to work in some whole grains but frankly they make me feel bad.  And don't get me started about the dairy and legumes.  Cheese is yummy, but bloating and gas is not.

And as far as the crossfit goes, yes, I do know it can be cultish, and there are many critics.  The loudest calls are about inadequate coaching in spite of a valiant attempt otherwise.  Teaching someone Olympic lifts is a long and arduous process, and if one instructor is overseeing 15 people in one class that means at any one time, 14 of them are not being watched/coached.  But I take personal responsibility for my goals and progress.  What that means to me is: when the board says deadlifts at 85 pounds, I do 60.  I went hard at it last fall and it was psychologically difficult.  I began dreading going and I experienced a nasty level of anxiety.  This time around, I'm building up slower and taking my time.  My results are not as good as last fall but I'm feeling better about the whole endeavor.  I have days when I am sore, I sweat and fatigue during classes, but it doesn't totally kill me.  I don't expect to get anything more out of it than I put into it, and I'm ok with that.

My ability to balance a little better I completely attribute to my Effexor.  It evens out more than just my mood.  Things don't bug me as much and I don't get as passionate/excited about stuff.  And for now I'm ok with that too.

9 June 2013

Eleven Wonderful Things About My Eleven-Year-Old

In honor of M's birthday (two days ago) I would like to share some things about her.

1. When she wakes up early in the morning and wants her Daddy to get up she'll bring him a cup of coffee, hold it in front of his face and blow the aroma at him.
2. She has sense of style that is all girl and all her own.  We have no fashion magazines in this house, I am not one to 'do' her hair, I spent the majority of her young life wearing sweats and a t-shirt, yet at two and a half, she wouldn't wear any clothes unless they were purple and when she was in kindergarten she asked me to put her hair in a ponytail and leave 'wispies' (tendrils?) out around her face.
3. She is an extremely adventurous eater, eager to try different, new foods.  Thanks to this, she has tried foods like crab ravioli and Peking duck soup. She started ordering off the adult menu when she was six or seven. The waiters/waitresses are almost always surprised at her interesting food choices.
4. She learns quickly and retains the lesson. When she was three she got in N's face, and the baby didn't like it so she aimed the two or three teeth she had and lunged, taking a chunk out of M's forehead.  She still has a faint scar and has been wary of her sister ever since.
5. She is extremely empathetic.  It pains her to see others in pain or struggling.  Because of this, she is more apt to reach out to others and as she matures, she's developing a sense of service that is admirable.
6. She has some natural talent, but even more importantly, she works hard to cultivate what she has. At first I just thought she was good at everything, but she's not. Instead she excels at the many things she enjoys pursuing because she understands that there's very little point in doing something poorly.  It's important to her to do well, for her own sake.
7. She's brave.  M is not physically confident, probably a result of being the first kid.  (Don't climb, you'll break your neck!)  In spite of this, she regularly goes outside her comfort zone to seek new experiences.  
8. She's a peacemaker.  She gets along with many different people and often bridges the gap between social groups.  She's learning the art of how to pick her battles and she prefers to be an influential supporter rather than the center of attention.
9. She likes mustaches.  I don't get it, but I like that about her.
10. She has a very rich imagination and spends a good deal of time in her own head.  This can sometimes be a source of frustration for both her and me, but because she is a deep thinker, she tends to grasp the theory behind concepts.  If she is thinking about something, she cannot be rushed off her train of thought.  She needs to follow it to the end in order to move on to something else.
11. She's able to laugh at herself.  One of her favorite pastimes is having Dan or me relate funny stories about the silly things she did when she was younger.  And even now she's developing the grace to laugh off her foibles.