18 June 2013

Sex with your Pants On

In one of the paleo books I've read, 'sex with your pants on' is the term that describes eating to the letter of the law but not the spirit.  Since one of the missions of the book is to break me of my bad psychological relationship with food, the idea that making a 'paleo pizza' or 'paleo chocolate cake' is contraindicated.  If you can't live without it, you MUST live without it.

I fell off the paleo wagon and have been eating sugar, (always) grains, (recently) and even some (gasp!) cheese/dairy.  I must say that I had a rather indulgent sandwich at First Watch over the weekend.  The special was artichoke tapenade with turkey and cream cheese.  It was really over the top, but I kept eating it.  Within two hours I was lightheaded, followed by headachy, nauseas, and generally flu-ish.  I felt pretty bad all day but the kicker was that by the time evening rolled around, my lymphedema was apparent.  Just in my left hand, where I had it before I started this whole anti-inflammation dietary adventure.  It was somewhat of a wake-up call.

But my foray into sandwich-land has left me feeling that I'm missing out.  For a long time, I did not miss grains, bread, cheese etc.  And while I really do like beans, I can live without them and all other legumes.  But now I want to eat sandwiches so I'm thinking about sex with my pants on.

Last Thanksgiving I did quite a few paleo friendly options, including a paleo dressing made with an almond flour bread I'd baked the day before.  The paleo bread tends to be a little flat and dry, but it's kind of ciabatta shaped which would work in both texture and shape for some pretty awesome paninis (sans cheese.)  I think I'd enjoy that, and at this point I don't have the emotional energy to worry about whether I'd enjoy it too much.

For me, crossfit and eating paleo is less about the cult and more about what works for me.  I've seen significant effects from cutting out certain compounds in my diet.  I'd like to work in some whole grains but frankly they make me feel bad.  And don't get me started about the dairy and legumes.  Cheese is yummy, but bloating and gas is not.

And as far as the crossfit goes, yes, I do know it can be cultish, and there are many critics.  The loudest calls are about inadequate coaching in spite of a valiant attempt otherwise.  Teaching someone Olympic lifts is a long and arduous process, and if one instructor is overseeing 15 people in one class that means at any one time, 14 of them are not being watched/coached.  But I take personal responsibility for my goals and progress.  What that means to me is: when the board says deadlifts at 85 pounds, I do 60.  I went hard at it last fall and it was psychologically difficult.  I began dreading going and I experienced a nasty level of anxiety.  This time around, I'm building up slower and taking my time.  My results are not as good as last fall but I'm feeling better about the whole endeavor.  I have days when I am sore, I sweat and fatigue during classes, but it doesn't totally kill me.  I don't expect to get anything more out of it than I put into it, and I'm ok with that.

My ability to balance a little better I completely attribute to my Effexor.  It evens out more than just my mood.  Things don't bug me as much and I don't get as passionate/excited about stuff.  And for now I'm ok with that too.