14 September 2011

Reconstruction

It appears we have some questions. Yes, you in the third row. What's an expander? Did everyone hear that? No? I was asked "What's an expander?" Well that is an excellent question and now I have a lovely segue for the topic of reconstruction.  I wasn't going to go into this yet but now is as good a time as any.


When I was first diagnosed I wasn't sure what my course of action would be. I knew enough from my mom's experience that I did NOT want a lumpectomy. I was leaning towards a double mastectomy when I heard the words, "Your biopsy was positive." Having said that, and being somewhat of a contrarian, my first thought was to NOT have reconstruction. I did a lot of reading - blogs, and articles. And it took a while but I decided some time between meeting with the first plastic surgeon and second plastic surgeon that I would go ahead and have reconstruction done.  As much as I have expressed some trepidation about the double mastectomy, I have no doubt that it is the right decision.  It's the actual reality of the major surgery that I nervous about, not so much the idea that I'm losing my boobs.  For sure, it's a huge decision, and one that is irrevocable.  (Once done, there's no going back.) But from the moment they threatened my life, I knew what I had to do.

Some of the things that affected my decision:

How would the kids react to seeing me with no boobs? It's bad enough that I may not have nipples, which will still be alien to them, but if I do reconstruction, at least I'll look 'normal' to their friends.

And along those lines, how will society treat me as a woman with no breasts? It's like a red flag saying "HEY I HAD CANCER!" And while I feel no shame in saying that, I would still like to move beyond this episode in my life. I won't have any feeling in them, they will no longer act in a sexual manner at all, they won't contribute to titillation, (see, did you snicker??) so it will definitely be a BC/AC clue. (Before cancer/after cancer.) I'm going to feel very different, even if I look the same.

My frame is small, but I'm muscular and I have broad shoulders and once the extra 30 pounds of baby weight (yes my 'baby' is seven - shut up!) is gone I worry that my body will look out of proportion.

I think the bottom line is that things will be different enough without having to contend with a stark physical reminder. I don't think I can handle both feeling different AND looking different for the rest of my life.

So on Friday, when I have both of my breasts removed, Dr. Boob will hand-off to Two-Drain and so she will open and he will close.  Before he closes, he'll clean up any severe lumps and bumps left by removal of the breast tissue and he'll put saline implants in under my pec major muscles.  The implants will not be full of saline. I will periodically over the next few months, (working around any other treatments, of course,) visit Two-Drains' office and have more saline added to stretch out the muscle and skin for where my new "foobs" (fake boobs) will go.  Once I am all healed, and the tissue is stretched out to where I want it, (size of new foobs,) then I will be scheduled for a second surgery where they will make a new incision and exchange the expanders for permanent saline (or silicone) implants.   Then after that is healed there is the incredibly odd question of whether to have nipples made or not.

Last Friday I heard from Two-Drains' office and I'm scheduled to sign consents and get my graffiti Thursday. He will draw the map so Dr. Boob knows where to cut and what skin to take. I think they use Sharpies. I hope they don't use pink but I would like to see something other than black. They can't use red (for obvious reasons,) and the radioactive dye is blue so that's out.


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