19 August 2011

Many of you have asked, "How are you feeling?"

While Dan remains cautiously optimistic, I am feeling VERY positive about this. I think that's the way the roles are going to have to be. Dan needs to reserve a little emotional energy in case we get bad news, because really, he's the one who will have to ultimately deal with the fall-out. I, on the other hand, must think of only puppies and rainbows and will fart butterflies.

Until I hear some horrible news, I'm going to assume all will be well.

Ok, but how am I feeling?

Ever since I got the call last Monday. I can feel that thing in there. It doesn't exactly ache, or tingle, or itch, but I would describe it as more of an uncomfortable awareness. Just sitting here, my right boob feels normal, regular, typical in that I can't really feel it at all. But the left one is screaming "HELLO!! CANCER HERE CALLING YOUR NAME!!!!!" I'm starting to hate that boob.

Which opens a whole other can of worms. I've never really thought of my relationship with 'the girls'. Sure, they've been hanging with me for a long time, but we never really talk, you know?

I've always had an impressive rack. For a while, when I was young and foolish, they defined me. But now that they've done their job, (had some fun, fed some babies,) I feel like they really aren't that important. So I'm really up in the air about whether or not to have reconstructive surgery after we part ways. I'd like to take up running again, sans the heavy duty cannon holder or be able to wear something backless or some of those cute halters.

Is this merely a cosmetic issue, or are there other factors I need to consider? Will I feel unbalanced once the weight is off my chest? Will I feel less feminine? Will people react differently to me? How does society see a boob-less woman? Will it be just as frustrating to find clothes that fit non-existent boobs as it is to find clothes that fit big boobs? Will I finally be able to buy a surplice top or dress?

Don't ask me why... they just never fit me right.

I guess it's time for me to start talking to survivors and reading other's blogs. Feel free to message me if you have some experience with this. I need all the help I can get.