27 August 2012

Discrimination

I'm feeling pretty weird this season.  On the one hand I'm feeling pretty healthy both mentally and physically, on the other, it feels like the whole last year didn't happen.  I can barely remember what was going on this time last year.  I know I was getting ready for surgery and I had lots of support, and then I went to bed and didn't get up for four months.  And I've been slowly wending my way back to consciousness once chemo was done.  It has taken eight months but I'm in my new normal.  I still have 'moments', but I can avert most of those by avoiding mirrors when I'm naked.

One good thing that has come out of this whole 'thang' is that I don't have so many 'shoulds' on my plate.  When I dropped all my volunteer commitments, it was a huge relief and now that I'm starting to pick them up again I'm being much more discriminating about how I want to contribute.  I know what my strengths are and that's what I am focussing on.

This discrimination is spilling over into other areas.  I'm buying better quality food, and cooking better meals.  I'm getting rid of clothes that don't make me feel fabulous.  I had some favorite items that just don't fit the same with the smaller rack.  I'm demanding a little more out of the kids.  I had a manicure for the first time in about a dozen years last week.  And I'm changing gyms.

You've heard me say it before... once I make up my mind about something, yesterday is too late for it to happen for me.  So our gym membership at Big Slick Corporate Gym is expiring and we are not eager to renew.  They do a very hard sell that makes me uncomfortable.  They fail to maintain their equipment.  They pay their trainers peanuts.  So instead of getting roped into another $1000 for a couple of years, we have opted to join the fitness center in the neighborhood community center for $100.  And I am looking into some other options.  This has translated into making the lame-duck time left at the Big Slick Gym very unproductive.

Today I began a long walk and it started raining within five minutes.  So I headed back home and drove to the gym.  I forgot about the community center and drove all the way to Big Slick Gym.  And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't hit my groove.  It didn't help that the first three treadmills I started on were not working.  But even after I found one that worked I had trouble pushing myself to run or even walk.  I think I'm just done with them.  The vibe is wrong for me now so I need to move on.  I've become more discriminating.