2 June 2012

Crash


Two steps forward, one step back.  Or more.  My lymphedema is resolving itself.  My hand is barely swollen although the tissue between my forefinger and thumb is still sore.  My chicken pox/shingles/whatever is resolving, with the sores all dried up and healing and the rashes fading.  I'm walking this week, instead of running but my hamstrings and feet still hurt.  I hadn't recognized that maybe that joint and muscle pain is a side effect of Tamoxifen, which is quite common.  Now I'm thinking it is.

I 'got ma hurr did' a couple of weeks ago.  Bright red.  Loved it to begin with but not I'm looking less edgy and more Ronald McDonald-y.  I'll be having it re-dyed on Tuesday - purple - to see if it takes a little better.  If that doesn't work, I'll go jet black and be all emo.

I'm not feeling well physically or mentally.  The cording/lymphedema/mystery illness triad is wearing on me.  I'm not sleeping well and I'm tired like the kind of tired I was earlier in the year when I was right out of chemo.  And I'm starting to really feel blue.  While typically this time of year my mood improves, I'm down in the dumps instead.  Neglecting and putting stuff on hold when I was sick has left me overwhelmed with much needed psychic maintenance.

I'm looking towards next year, and what projects and organizations I wish to support and I'm fearful I'll take on too much.  My abilities and wherewithal are severely curtailed.   I have to be very careful that things that sound like they are a good idea, really are.  In the meantime, we are sprinting to the end of school and beginning next Friday I have 70 days with the kids.  (Not that I'm counting.)  I have arranged sitters three mornings a week so I can continue physical therapy, going to the gym, doctors visits and walking.  They have a half-day camp the week of June 18 - 22, which coincide with when Dan is out of town.  We have a family vacation the first week of August. Other than that, my plan is to hang out by the pool.  With friends.  And books.  And maybe my darning.  And purple hair.