Coming Clean
I'm looking pretty good these days. After dropping from sight for all of last year, and laying pretty low this year, I'm seeing more people and everyone asks how I am and says I look great. I always say that I'm feeling great, but you know what? I'm not.
Last June I started eating an elimination diet focused on removing compounds that my body doesn't like. The majority of these are preservatives and flavorings, weird chemical thickeners and emulsifiers found in commercially prepared processed foods, and some food groups.
My guidance came from a book called "It Starts With Food" which promotes what has erroneously been called the caveman diet, the paleo diet and/or the no carb diet. The premise is that we've only been agrarians for about 10,000 years, and our bodies haven't adapted to the high carb load that grain and legume crops provide. Additionally, there are some compounds in these plants that produce an inflammatory response in the body. Likewise, dairy is full of inflammatory compounds as well. The basis of this diet is not don't eat _______ or _________. Instead, it's eat meat, fish, nuts, eggs, vegetables and fruits for optimum health. I did that for a while and I felt pretty good. Yes, I know that cavemen did not eat strawberries in December. And they didn't have grass fed ghee. That's not the point. Use basic foods and make things from scratch, eschewing processed foods, industrially raised meats and foods that irritate our bodies.
Before reading the caveman book, I had been watching a lot of different food documentaries. I also have a friend who is a raw vegan who writes a blog and I had been reading some her stuff. And then there is Michael Pollan's books, particularly Food Rules. And the China Study, given to me by my sister when my cancer was diagnosed. So all of these studies, books, articles and diets have conflicting premises.
So while I do love me some naturally raised uncured bacon, I do have to admit that bacon is probably not the thing to eat for optimal health. (The caveman book says so too.) But what about meat in general? I have friends who have sworn off meat and they feel great. I myself ate no meat of fish for 4 or 5 years before I got pregnant, succumbing to wild hamburger cravings while Miriam was busy depleting my nutrients. I ate more burgers in 9 months than I did the previous 15 years. I've been eating paleo-ish for about ten months, but now I need to honestly look at where my diet stands and I must admit I'm not where I'd like to be.
Sugar has crept back into my diet and stayed there. I've tried to kick that monkey several times and failed. And I'm in a free-for-all free-fall, having indulged in the past month in sweeteners, grains, dairy, beans, bread, alcohol, cookies and OMG - PIZZA - you name it, I'm eating it. And my weight is creeping up and I feel lousy and I need to just get off this ride and start over. (I kind of knew I'd thrown in the towel when I ate the pizza.)
But I'm unsure if I want to go back to the meat, veggie, fruit thing. (For me, with my sugar addiction, I should probably skip the fruit.) I'm thinking if I add in something like quinoa, I can reduce the amount of meat we are eating. I don't think I want to go back to the bloat of beans and rice, but by keeping dairy and most grains and legumes out of my diet, I'm thinking I can get back to where I was and feel pretty good again.
Mentally I'm feeling ok, but going to school (just like going to Crossfit last fall) is taking more emotional energy than I had thought it would. I'm hoping that reducing my credits this summer will help me get back on track in other areas in my life, like exercise, and diet discipline, and not running out of toilet paper.
Dan says I need to learn to balance and quit trying to do everything 100%, (which means I do some things 100% and somethings 0%) and instead focus on doing most things at 60-75%, and do a lot more things passably rather than some things well and others not at all. I really don't like that idea. I'm kind of an all-or-nothing person. Why do something if you have to half-ass it? So when I started school, the guidelines all said expect to do 3 hours of homework for every hour of class. I took 10 credits this semester. That's 10 hours of class plus 30 hours of homework per week, or the equivalent of a 40 hour a week job. I kind of got off easy, in that my beginning courses were not that difficult and I'm pretty smart, but I still did between 20 and 30 hours per week total. And barring unforeseen brain-farts next week during finals, I should probably have two A's and a B. I'm not sure I want to go to school if I can't do it well.
So where did I get all this time? I stopped exercising. (I actually stopped in November when I slid into depression.) I used to walk an hour or two every day and go to Crossfit twice a week. I mostly sit on my ass now. And I stopped obsessing about administering the house, running out of toilet paper for the first time in a dozen years, or coffee, or milk, or bread. And putting together teacher gifts and other volunteer stuff like that. These days, I can barely get a check to the person who is in charge by the deadline. I used to be the person in charge, calling people to get their damn checks in. And the kids are still in school. I'm not sure how it's going to work this summer when they are out and turning to me like I'm some kind of cruise director.
I'm not where I need to be mentally to get back on track yet, but I am getting closer. And I'm sorry to say it has to be an all-or-nothing, cold-turkey program for me because that's how I roll.
