7 March 2012

Filling the Well(ness)

Dan thinks I'm autistic.  He bases this on two things: first, I'm singularly minded when it come to tasks, sometimes to the exclusion of all else.  Second, I sometimes miss social cues.  I like to entertain at my house because that way I can't overstay my welcome, which is the cue I most often miss.  I don't think I'm autistic, but I can be quite dense when it comes to subterfuge, indirectness or subtlety.  One thing that this affects is my ability to actually gauge my own emotions and feelings.  I mean I know how I feel, but I can't always pinpoint the cause of it because I don't always notice when/why my moods change.  So it's hard for me to identify changes I can make or things I can do to make me feel better.

I had the good fortune to recently identify something that feeds my soul.  A couple of weeks ago I went to Vegas with some sisters, and then hung out in Palm Springs with my kids and my whole 'big' family. We had a big lifecycle event, (my niece's Bat Mitzvah,) and I got to see many people in my family that usually do not cross my path face-to-face.  Dan did not come with us because of work commitments, so I didn't have to 'worry' about him.  (My family, not his, and no matter how much your spouse loves your family, they just aren't as comfortable around them... I'm forever balancing needs and wants between my family unit - Dan, kids and me, and my family - sisters, father, cousins, etc.) 

Maybe it was because everyone was so happy to see me in person, (Oh!  She's alive!) or maybe it was the magical dynamic of total comfort mixed with a joyous occasion, but whatever it was, I came back home with renewed vigor.

I the past 10 days I've been kicking ass and taking names, knocking out crap that has been hanging over my head, (yes, I'm working on taxes, no I'm not nearly done,) as well as feeling generally strong.  I started exercising again, (after the debacle of over-doing it in January I had REALLY laid off of it,) I am eating better, and I haven't really had a bad day since returning.  (Although I may tomorrow as I start back with my trainer at the gym today.)  I've scoured the stove and exhaust fan, cleaned out cupboards, organized paperwork, wrapped up open projects and been nicer to the kids.



I was so worn out and beat down before going on vacation, and now I feel like a new woman, or should I say I feel like an old woman... I'm finally feeling more like myself.