11 February 2012

A Whole Year?

I've read and heard that I won't feel well for about a year after my last chemo treatment.  I had no concept of what that meant.  I had thought that I would be able to run a marathon after a year. (You know, if I trained and all.) But that's not how it's going to work.  It's more like I won't feel like I can do what I was doing before this began for about a year.  So the 25+ miles a week, the amount of weight I was pushing and pulling at the gym is just not happening.  All that fitness has evaporated.  I am capable of walking five miles, but it completely destroys me.  (Like in bed for two or three days afterward.)  My body just can't take it and I had no idea how much the chemo hurt me physically until I tried.

So for those of you who know me, you understand how hard it is for me to work through this.  Baby steps suck.  When I make a decision, I want it done yesterday.  Waiting is not my strength and working at a snail's pace does not appeal to me.  I am taking it pretty slow.  I have yet to make it up to school (one mile) five days in a row.  I have yet to go back to the gym and lift weights after my wildly optimistic stretch in the beginning of January.  I feel like a fat cow, I'm having trouble sticking to my calorie limit and I'm moving less than I would like.  I'll get there, but it will take my much longer than I had anticipated.