21 December 2011

Nuts and bolts

It's been a while since I did a post on medical nuts and bolts so here's where I am now.  I developed thrombophlebitis at my last chemo catheter site, three weeks ago.  It's a hard purple lump about one by one and a half centimeters.  The skin on top of it is starting to peel.  I had my doc look at it and she was unconcerned so I'm doing the normal treatment for it: Ibuprofen, heat and gentle massage.  I assume I will also have one from today's treatment. With all the bloodwork and IV's I've had in the past three months it's a miracle they can even find a good vein anymore.  She was really straining looking for one today and ended up on the backside of my arm halfway between my elbow crease and my funny bone.  It was uncomfortable but I didn't want her to stick me again so I just let it ride.

I had my last expansion a couple of weeks ago.  My foobs are a solid 'B' now and that's all I want.  They look great under clothes and awful up close and personal.  I have a horizontal incision scar that runs from each armpit and ends an inch from my sternum on one side and a half inch on the other.  The scars are red and slightly indented.  If I am wearing a light t-shirt, you can see the indentation.  They still feel foreign.  My arms hit the side when I move them forward and it pushes the mass to the middle.  They are hard, like a tensed muscle. They do not bounce, or move for that matter.  I have no feeling from two inches above the incision to a half inch below the foob where it meets my ribs.  I still have no feeling in my left armpit at all, and the lower half of my right armpit.  The feeling is coming back on my right arm, but the back of my left arm is toast.  At this point I've decided against surgically manufactured nipples.  I'm still entertaining the possibility of tattooed nipples, but I'm leaning towards an art tattoo to camouflage the whole area, scars and all.  I'll make that decision after I have the expanders swapped out for the implants.

I stopped my depression meds and I'm feeling ok so far.  In fact I've stopped taking everything except the bare minimum of what I have prescribed.  I'm on my thyroid med daily and OTC Claritin and Ibuprofen as needed.  I've not taken Ambien or Klonopin for a couple of weeks.  Klonopin is a no-no when I start my Tamoxifen in January.  I'll have to rely on Vodka and Fireball.  In fact I'm totally laying off the anti-anxiety meds because in combination with all the other crap I have in me they are unpredictable.  Sometimes they make me nauseous, sometimes they give me headaches, sometimes they constipate me, sometimes rather than chilling me out I get cranky.  So I'll just work on lowering my stress by eschewing commitments and relying on sitters and playdates when I need to rest.  And I'll do a shot when neither of those work.

I don't sleep very well, but since I have essentially cleared my calendar and have few obligations, I'm doing ok. I'm hoping that once I'm over the hump of this chemo I can start walking and going to the gym again and that will help me sleep better.  I've gained about 15 pounds since my diagnosis.  I just don't have the wherewithal to discipline myself on diet, and I've not felt well enough for a sustained exercise program.  We'll see how I do once I get stabilized on the tamoxifen.

My mobility in my arms is still compromised.  I did rhythmic boxing with the kids on the Wii this weekend and really suffered for it.  I can't throw a punch with my left arm.  My right arm goes all the way up, but not too far back.  My left arm won't straighten when raised over my head.  Once I'm out of the chemo compromised immune system woods, I'll be signing up for a yoga class.  I'm pretty stiff and atrophied all over from spending the last three months mostly in bed.  I know it sounds like heaven, but bed is really overrated when it's mandated by illness.

I still don't mind being bald.  It's actually helpful in that I've started having hot flashes at night and nothing cools me down like taking off my hat.  I don't mind that I no longer have to shave my armpits and legs, but having no interior nose hair means that my nose drips nearly constantly.  I still have eyebrows but my lashes have thinned considerably, leaving me prone to getting stuff in my eyes.  I actually have a bald spot in my lash line on my right eye, about a half centimeter long.  I suspect it will get worse with this last round.  I've been avoiding nail polish because I'd wanted to monitor if/when my nails would go to hell but that has not happened so far.  I need to wait another couple of weeks but if I have no changes by then, I'll be heading for a full on pedi thereafter. All in all I'm doing pretty good.  The oncologist loves my blood counts and I've had no serious complications.

I have an appointment in 3 weeks for a follow up and to start me on my next phase - five years of hormone therapy.  I will probably not be on tamoxifen for the whole five years.  It is only used pre-menopausal and since it looks like I may cross over within the next five years and there is a different protocol for post menopause, they will adjust the meds accordingly.  We'll just have to wait and see.