I'm Entitled
Someone who shall remain nameless has mentioned that my posts are starting to be real downers and I should write something positive. You know, I've been pretty upbeat about the whole cancer thing since I started. Perhaps I should have been a little more reserved in the beginning and then my later posts wouldn't seem so 'Debbie Downer'.
I didn't feel sick at the start. In fact, I was feeling pretty damn healthy. And then I weathered a double mastectomy with few second thoughts, although I've radically changed my body and body image, lost secondary sex organs, and recovered, (mostly,) from major surgery. I had my breasts amputated.
I am ok about losing my hair. It's been a non-issue. Some women have a really hard time but I'm cool with it.
I've had to drastically change my schedule, giving up stuff I like to do, struggling with stuff I HAVE to do, but again, this is my life now, and I've accepted it.
And true to my decision to be aggressive with my treatment, I chose chemo, when I could have easily said no. Again, I understand that it is what I have to do. But it really, really sucks and it's kicking my ass. There are so many unpleasant side effects, and they are overwhelming me. I have another 5 weeks ahead of me where I'm basically expecting to feel like shit. For five whole weeks. It's not that I don't think I can do it, because of course I will. But I'm not looking forward to it.
So if my post doesn't cheer you up, I'm entitled.
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